Wednesday, November 9, 2011

on my lady friend situation.

re-living our glory days on a wine tour in long island.
in graduate school, my girlfriends and i had a regular date. every friday night, at 5 PM, we'd go down to a local restaurant for a glass of wine. they had a special on good wine, the place was quiet, and quite soon we became regulars. since we were all in the same school, we had similar schedules and it was easy to make this a tradition. over those glasses of wine we discussed everything we could discuss about life and then some. we missed a few fridays here and there, and when i graduated and moved away, it became one of the things i missed the most. 
when i moved to nyc it was very hard for me to adjust to not having this built in system. it was hard for me to adjust to the fact that i didn't have the kind of schedule where i could be dependable to show up, even if i did have people to show up for. i moved to nyc and had three friends - one from childhood lived here, one from high school lived here, and one from grad school lived out in nj. while i tired to unite us a few times, schedules were different. things came up last minute. people got tired.
as time has gone on i've made more friendships, but i still miss this set date with my girlfriends. i'm thinking of trying to set one up again - perhaps twice a month as opposed to every week. taking the time to relax, talk, get to know one another, laugh about our everyday lives and support each other through the tough times over a glass of wine is an ideal way to end the day. it's kind of like blogging, but in real life.
do you have a set group of girlfriends in your town? do you miss not having that around, if not?


  1. I definitely wish I could hang out with my friends at least once a week. But it's just not possible with conflicting schedules and just life getting in the way. One friend is in the midst of wedding planning, while the other is unemployed and broke. But I am thankful when I do get to see them. Since we don't see each other very often, it makes it all the more special when we do.

  2. I had a great of girlfriends in college and we would get together every week at Panera for breakfast and talking. It was the best! I miss that so much! There's nothing like having a regular, set-up thing that you can look forward to every week and sort of download on each other.

  3. My best friends are 4 girls from highschool, but we didn't become nearly as close until college when we were spread along the east coast. We haven't all lived in the same area since 2001, ten years, but over time differnt groups have clumped in differnt cities. When we are together, it is like time hasn't passed and we didn't miss a beat.

    I wish I could call them all neighbors, but some times I think we would, as you say get tired and busy, and I might even begin to take them for granted. But I miss them like hell, every single day.

  4. Yes, yes, yes, I miss it. Luckily I'm ok with being by myself, but it's nice to have a standing date to make me get out of the house! I'm new to this whole milspouse thing, but I can already tell this that will be the worst part. As soon as you find friends in a new place, you're picking up and moving. Sigh.

    Good thing my bloggy friends aren't going anywhere!

  5. Okay, this topic intrigues me: friendship through the ages, the evolution of friendship, and friendship after having kids. Fascinating.

    I had close friends in college, all of whom I still talk to, none of which live anywhere nearby. After college, newly working, and engaged to Jeff, I had new friends: church friends, friends of Jeff that became mine too, work friends, and eventually "couples friends".

    But then, shortly after Jonah was born, we moved from a city to a small town. And honestly, I haven't made any friends here. And it's been three years. I've met people, but none that I felt a connection with really. I go on playdates with other moms, but the conversation is awkward.

    Is this because we have kids now, therefore there's no spontaneous meet-ups, no staying out past 8 or 9? The difficulty of carrying on a worthwhile conversation while chasing children? Or am I just lame and boring and weird now? I just don't know.

  6. My closest friends are at least an hour away, and with a husband and baby to keep up with, it's almost impossible to get together. Thank goodness for the internet, right?

    But at the same time, I need to branch out more locally. It's just, blah, local girls, blah.

  7. sherri - sounds just like me! i miss that regular date so much.

    shannon - you said it perfectly. that's how much i miss them too.

    erin - moving to a new place, especially being out of school, make it so hard to make friends. and i can definitely attest to the fact that you're not weird. maybe when jonah starts school that will widen the net of people you'll meet?

    elizabeth - exactly. thank goodness for the internet. i know what you mean about some friend in nj ran into similar issues...

  8. Colleen- you, me, wine, chocolate, slumber party. Say yes?

  9. ps... You like how I just addressed you in that last comment? Like there's some other writer of this blog? This cold's getting the best of me.

  10. I'm kind of in the same boat as Erin (although minus children). I left all my girlfriends in another country and have yet to make friends as close as them. As we get older, it becomes harder to make friends. I lack the courage, and sometimes the energy to make an effort and reach out to other people. And living in a big city doesn't help - people tend to move a lot so friends come and go so quickly! Excuses, excuses I know! But I really love the idea of meeting up once a week for a glass of wine! When we all make the collective effort, my friends from back home and me all link up on Skype with a glass (bottles more like) of wine and discuss the good old days!


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