Wednesday, February 15, 2012

on skating in central park.

here are some of my opinions and observations about ice skating in central park this past weekend, which i hope will help guide you, should you ever choose to take on the adventure.
  • it will take you about halfway around the rink until you get your skating legs, similar to one's sea legs. many, many children will whiz pass you. feel free to curse them under your breath.
  • there will be a young man in what appears to be an ice capades costume from the 1980's. he will have a three foot red ribbon tied around his ponytail. even with all this get-up, and seeming devotion to the world of ice skating, he appears to be wearing rented skates. whenever anyone falls he immediately skates over to help them up. he does not know these people. you will keep a wary eye on him.
  • there will be a mother from new jersey who has apparently not left the house in months, maybe years. as her children cling to the rail she will skate by you, turning backwards, her chestnut mane flowing in the breeze. journey's "don't stop believing" is playing so loudly in her head, you can almost hear it.
  • you will have a favorite child at the ice rink. there are many to choose from, and it's only natural one will shine over all the rest. there is a good chance she will be tiny blonde who refuses to skate and merely walks across the ice. when she falls, she patiently waits for someone to come pick her up, as she's already learned she doesn't need to lift a finger when someone else will do it for her. your heart will warm knowing that headstrong divas are alive and strong in the younger generation.
  • you can take one picture out there, so make it a good one. electronic devices are not allowed out on the ice, but by the time they get to you, you'll be able to snap one. however, a situation may arise where you desperately need to take a picture. turn the camera or phone on in your pocket and have it ready to go. ask your partner to skate behind you to block the views of the skating guards. quickly snap your picture, as you'll only have one chance. this will most likely be the closest you get to feeling like james bond. what kind of situation merits an illegal picture? an abandoned koala hat on an orange cone is a pretty good one.
poor mr. koala hat.
i hope these words of wisdom have helped. and if you don't heed any of my observations and advice, at least get a cupcake after your adventure in the park.

12 comments:

  1. Wait...you're not allowed to take photos on the ice? What the eff is that about?

    I haven't skated in Central Park since I was 12! You've inspired me to ice-skate this season...and so I shall. I have these memories of just having the best time on the ice. My feet would be hurting and blistered at the end of the day, but I loved it.

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  2. I have always wanted to go ice-skating in Central Park! It's one of those things that's super glamorous in my head but since I've never ice-skated before I would probably be sitting on the ice half the time. I loved your tip about taking the forbidden pictures, too.

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  3. Amazing.

    Every single bullet cracked me up! I think my favorite was the 1980's ice capades man. I might have wet my pants a little when I read that part. HA!!

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    1. when i was writing this i was like, "i bet anna will find this funny." but when is a young man in an ice capades outfit not funny?

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  4. this is hysterical. sounds like you got in some great people watching :)

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    1. indeed! you can always count on nyc for that.

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  5. Oh my goodness it looks like so much fun! And FUNNY! ;)

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  6. I love the 80's ice capades guy. I'm always entertained when I'm doing something for recreation-only and some guy is the "expert". Hilarious.

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  7. Colleen, sensitive ponytail man definitely deserved an illegal picture! I have so many images racing around my head.

    You can really paint quite a picture. Another reason to love NYC!!

    *Erin

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  8. HaHaaa! This is too damn good.

    And it simply confirms the following...

    We must get together lest I perish.

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  9. This had me laughing out loud! I'm always too terrified when ice skating to notice all this good stuff! If you manage to go back again, please please please take a picture of the creepy 80s ice capades man! I need to see him!

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