Tuesday, March 27, 2012

on the art of being lazy.

i recently posted this anecdote on another blog and decided it was too good not to share here.
via here.
when i was a little girl, the second child of my parents, my mother took me to the doctor for one of the many check-ups little children require. it was at this appointment that i was given the denver developmental screening test, which is a basically a checklist of sorts in making sure one is growing and developing normally. since my mom had already done this with my sister, she was aware that the "correct" answer, or the response you want to give the doctor for these questions, is "yes".
problem was, a lot of the answers for me were "no".
the biggest issue was that i wasn't walking yet. nearing the age of two i could not yet walk. and barely crawled. my parents say that mostly i just sat up, put one leg out in front, and scooted around on my bum everywhere.
a problem indeed.
in the next few months my parents brought me to psychologists, psychiatrists, neurosurgeons, and everything in between. no one seemed to have an answer. everyone suspected cerebral palsy, but none of the tests came back totally positive for that either. my parents were recommended to one last, final doctor, who spent an hour or two with me before calling in my parents to her office.
first, she told them i was very intelligent - i had put all the blocks into their correct color groups, all on my own (wouldn't worry about it).
second, she told them i had very tight muscles - i used to pick things up with my hand basically shaped like a claw. i can demonstrate the claw motion for you when we meet. the doctor said they needed to work on relaxing and stretching out my muscles.
but, third, and final, was her real diagnosis.
basically, she told them, your baby is lazy.
with an older sister who loved pushing me around in a stroller, and parents who carried me around because, hello, who can resist these eyes, i basically figured out i didn't really need to walk. i could get people to do it for me. and therefore i was lazy.
diagnosis: lazy. intelligent. but mostly lazy.
if this was not a sign for my future, i don't know what was.
the cure for a lazy baby with tight muscles, according to the doctor, was to lay me on an exercise ball and roll me forward so i could stop myself with my arms (if laid on my tummy on top of the ball), or with my legs (if laid on my back on top of the ball). my father took it upon himself to run through these exercises with me every night when he came home from work (and if i wasn't asleep).
more than once he rolled the ball way too quickly, and my mom would hear a huge crash, followed by lots of sobbing.
that, of course, helped create a whole other set of issues. aside from the laziness.

14 comments:

  1. Ha! That's hilarious. Oh, and that quote? Story of my life. Once I'm in my pjs, I'm done. Don't ask me to do anything or go out because it ain't happening.

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    1. seriously. I mean, I could do a load of laundry or...I could watch some tv on Hulu. if I'm in my pjs, it's definitely the latter.

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  2. Interesting! Haha and definitely a little humorous too. When did you finally learn to walk?

    Love the quote also-- it's too good.

    Is it bad that sometimes I come home from work (remember I'm a teacher, so it's around 3:30 or 4) and I immediately get into my PJs?? Because I do that at least a couple days a week. At LEAST.

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    1. I think near two and a half. they also stopped carrying me around so much, which helped me realize if I didn't walk I'd get left behind (literally!)

      no judgement here - I've been thinking of getting back into my pjs all day.

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  3. haha this is awesome. Sounds to me like you weren't that lazy, you were just smart. I wish someone would push me around all day.

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    1. right?! I think it was pretty smart, too. me? lazy? never...

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  4. I love the way you tell stories! I can't believe that after all those visits the diagnosis was laziness! I do think you were using that intelligence to allow everyone else around you to serve you... good set up. And yes, when we meet in real life I would like to see the claw.

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    1. haha - you will most definitely get to see it!

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  5. this is one of the best kid stories ever. and obvi you were intelligent - you figured out how to make everyone work for you before you were even 2 years old! some people spend their whole lives trying to figure that out.

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    1. right?! we should totally chalk it up my intelligence and not my laziness.

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  6. This is the best story, love it! Little baby diva, you were! So adorable!

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    1. i like the sound of diva, much better than lazy. let's go with baby diva.

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  7. The word lazy is so ugly. I prefer content in my current situation. As in I'm content in my jammies watching tv on my couch. What's the motivation to change that?!

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