Friday, March 30, 2012

on kissing life right on the lips.

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this past saturday i woke up with a plan. i (read: my boyfriend) would build the new piece of furniture that had just arrived. but it wasn't raining like it was supposed to, it was warm and sunny. and i hadn't been to the farmer's market in oh so long because farmer's markets and winter winds do not mix. and i really wanted to go. so i jumped out of bed and out the door to get some milk. and it was beautiful outside. just gorgeous. a perfect spring day. i was rounding the corner of the park i live near and thought "wow. look at my life."
look. at. my. life.
i was walking without a hitch in my step. i was breathing in crisp fresh air. i was heading to the farmer's market. i was in new york city. i was pushing off things that could be done when it was raining, or at night, or just any other time, really. and i said to myself:
"don't forget this moment. when you are young and free and doing what you want. don't forget it. be grateful for this moment."
and i was just talking to myself. just talking to myself and going along my business, but when i told myself to be grateful it hit me like a ton of bricks: debbie can't have this moment. she can't put off chores and enjoy the sunlight and go to the farmer's market. she did. but she can't anymore.
funny, how our memories catch us off guard like that.
the next morning in my exercise class, which is always, always difficult, we ended with a two-minute plank (yikes). and the teacher, whom i love, said in the middle of the plank, "remember: you are privileged to be able to do this. not everyone is healthy enough to exercise. not everyone has capable bodies. i know you are tired, and hurting and frustrated, but remember: this. is. a. privilege."
perhaps she had known what kind of thoughts i had the day before.
but she's so right. the bad stuff we go through - i'm not talking about exercise here anymore - is a privilege just as is fresh air and sun on our faces. i want to take a bad day - at work, at home, with friends, with family - and remind myself it's a privilege to feel anything at all. and i want to keep pushing off chores for a bloody mary at noon with a view of the manhattan skyline. i want to run until i can't breathe. i want to skip the gym for dinner with an old co-worker. i want to curse a bad day at work and sip a glass of wine afterwards knowing that tomorrow is another day. i want to remember i am privileged to be here and to have an experience, any experience. because i can.
i really, really want to remember that.

"To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face and to know it what for what it is. At last to know it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the hours." -- The Hours

12 comments:

  1. Hey Colleen, this is really beautiful.

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  2. great perspective. we are so privileged! we are young and able with the whole world at our fingertips. thanks for this

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  3. Thank you for this! I needed it. xoxo.

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  4. Wow, Colleen! Another deep post. I love this & it's so true. I don't cherish life's blessings enough, or step back and think of things as a privilege. I got burned today playing tennis in the sun-and as I was rubbing aloe on my shoulders-reading your post-I stopped feeling sorry for myself-and smiled.

    xx

    Erin @ http://www.trufflesnruffles.com/

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  5. great, great post.

    my yogi with whom i study has said similar things. things about which you never really stop to think. mindfulness. so difficult and so necessary.

    among the yogi's predilection for this type of privilege, she once said this - in the middle of a particularly complex pose -

    "Take your time. If you don't, someone else will."

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    Replies
    1. I feel like this quote needs to be my new life motto.

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    2. thank you for sharing this melanie. love that.

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  6. this is such a great and necessary reminder. I love it. we are privileged and it's so easy to get caught up in the negative and forget that. I also love the quote from the comment above mine and might just make it my new motto!

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  7. As usual, I come away from reading your blog feeling motivated and lucky! I'm going to keep that quote close by to serve as a reminder!

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  8. such a great reminder. fabulous post, love. thanks for sharing. If you get a sec, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my latest outfit post. xo

    www.fashboulevard.blogspot.com

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  9. I want to print this out and hang it up so that I remember your exact words. They are so true! I want to fully live every minute of life and be thankful for all of them, good and bad.

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