Tuesday, January 7, 2014

on a little wedding wrap-up.


while we’re still waiting to get our photos back, which i will of course share when we do, i just wanted to wrap-up my thoughts on the wedding process. it will be fun to show you guys more details (one astute reader noted i have yet to share my shoes), and how the whole day went. but until then, here is my last word of advice:
go with your gut.
there are tons of decisions that go into a wedding. things you may not care about and things you may care about. a lot of people in your life will also have an opinion on these decisions as well. that’s ok, let them have it. i'm no shirking flower, i've been to weddings and i've had opinions as well. while i try to base mine in the world of logic and reality (read further), i still have them. so i get it. my advice is to do your best not to get annoyed, do your best to smile and nod. i always tried to view this through the 80/20 lens – 80% of the time i tried to remind myself they cared about me and were just trying to make sure the wedding went smoothly, 20% of the time i told them to stick it where the sun don't shine (not out loud. never out loud. in my head only). my aunt told me not to wear blue shoes because I would look like an american flag, not to carry red roses as they would look awful in pictures (and brought some to my dress fitting to prove her point), to get silver, not gold, lettering on our invites, and she told me not to wear my hair down because it wasn’t elegant. my mom told us not to hire a bus to take guests to/from the hotel and reception because it looks “cheap” and encourages guests to drink until they puke, not to wear the earrings i chose because she didn’t like them, and that we couldn’t give out peanuts in burlap favor bags because they would be soaked with grease. and so on and so forth. the logic lacking from the above statements still makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time.


i wore the blue shoes because, guess what, no one can see the shoes you’re wearing since your wedding dress is to the floor. and i have always, always wanted to wear the shoes i wore. since the first time i saw them ten years ago or something crazy like that. i carried the red roses and made sure they were a mix of dark roses (black magic roses) and deep red roses because yes, i also didn’t love the way red roses looked in photos until I researched and found out – guess what – there is more than just one breed of red rose in the world. can you believe it?! again, i’ve always wanted to carry red roses - they’re just so romantic, add a touch of glamour, and are a good choice for the fall. so damnit, i was going to do it. i wore my hair down because in any photo of me with my hair up i really don’t like the way i look. my face is too round, my head is too big – i don’t know. i just know i don’t like the way i look, and my wedding day was not the day i was going to change my mind on that. we used the gold lettering on the invites instead of silver because oh my god what is the difference. we hired that bus to keep our guests safe, and because in a smaller town of charlottesville a wait for a cab would probably be an hour…and 40 people calling them all at once from one location would make it worse. everyone raved about the bus and my mom ceded it was a great idea (and can you believe it no one got so drunk they fell down or threw up or god knows what. i guess because we’re all adults.) and yes, i wore those earrings because they looked great with the dress, and we used those burlap bags because they looked better than plastic, added a pretty touch, and who gives a damn about favors anyway. oh, and they had no grease stains even though we filled them up a week before the wedding, and my mom commented multiple times how nice they looked.
*palm, to forehead*

when my aunt told me after the wedding how great i looked and that every decision i made was correct and how she was so glad i didn’t listen to her and just how relieved she was that i didn’t look like an inelegant american flag i wanted to hug her and punch her all the same time. and that’s just it – they’re trying, or thinking, they’re helping. sometimes outside opinions can help you see things in a different perspective. sometimes you just have to smile and nod while wondering just how insane your relatives are. and most of the time you have to go with your gut, look at lots of pictures of other brides who made similar decisions to see how they styled it and what best reflects your taste, and move forward. yes, you may not get it right. and yes, it doesn't really matter in the long run, because the name of the game here is to marry the person you love, not make sure every photo is "pinable".
and above all, remember this: opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one. and every now and then they're full of crap.

7 comments:

  1. THIS. Oh god girl this is what I needed to read. Everyone has an opinion. Sometimes they're right. Sometimes they're wrong, but I'm going with my gut on the things I want, and I know I won't be disappointed.

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    1. exactly - much better to have something you picked out not look exactly what you imagined rather than someone else's. you simply shrug, go oh well, and go back to dancing with your new husband (!!!)

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  2. I loved this and agree 100%!! No one other than papa bear liked my wedding dress (yes, I brought him with me, we do everything together so I couldn't imagine choosing without him) and yet on THE day everyone agreed it was perfect and I still love it five years later. Dad was obsessed with having me in one of those "cupcake dresses." He only took photos of me in those dresses and wouldn't even photograph me in the one I picked lol :). Dads... Good for you! And you looked gorgeous so clearly you made all the right decisions! xoxo

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    1. haha - you trying one on was definitely the "smile and nod". everyone wants to see different things, but it's better to forge ahead and go with what YOU want.

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  3. OMG best post ever. Loved every word! Glad you went with your gut on all of those things because your wedding turned out so beautifully!

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    1. thank you laura! i remember the advice you gave me when i asked, and your antidotes about family, etc. throughout the process and it helped me! i thought you would like this post haha :) it's so great to be married but sometimes the process is better if you have people to commiserate with :)

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  4. this is a great post! i'm so glad you went with all of the things YOU wanted, and because you did your wedding turned out amazing! i cannot wait to see all of the pictures when you get them back! so happy for you and brian :)

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